So Sad
I feel like I am in mourning. The loss of a friend. They didn’t die or anything but they are no longer, so it seems, considering me as a friend. I am not perfect or anything but I feel that I ruined everything and so I consider it my fault. I don’t do well with screwing things up. I am a sensitive person and take everything to heart. So I am very sad.
I don’t understand the lack of forgiveness or is it a question of no consideration for anyone else’s feelings. I try to think of other peoples feeling but I am not perfect. I have said the wrong thing too many times I suppose. So again, brought on by my own stupidity. As usual I am my own worst enemy.
So I guess I have to be grateful for the time I had as this person’s friend. And I enjoyed it a lot. New thoughts and ideas and a different way of looking at things. Moral support too. Lots of that. and now it’s gone. 
So I say a prayer for my friend- that their life will be good and they will be happy. That’s all I ever wanted was for them to be happy. But now I’m sad and I don’t know how they feel because they won’t say. And they have a reason but to me it doesn’t relate. They don’t want to spend so much time on the computer. This translated to didn’t want to chat anymore in reality- at least my reality anyway. Doesn’t make much sense. Why can’t people say what they mean. I would rather the truth, even if not pleasant rather than some BS excuse that in essence is more insulting because it shows lack of respect. Hmm, maybe they felt I didn’t deserve that much consideration. I guess that’s another point to ponder. But when a person says they value the friendship and then seem to toss it away and it’s gone, I question how valuble was it to them? I am so confused.
So I mourn the loss. Some days I cry, some are just sad. Sometimes I am angry. All that grief stuff. I guess it will get easier with time……so I hope.
If none of this makes any sense, then I apologize. I just had to vent.
July 6th, 2007 at 12:29 PM
I think you take to much responsibility for things you have no control over. Like the fact this friend does not spend as much time talking to you on the computer. Maybe this person can’t handle truth and has to hide from it, (which so many people do). Maybe they need time to adjust to a different way of thinking, or maybe this friendship has out lasted it’s time. Some people come in and out of our lives, when we need them, when a certain perspective is needed, or when we our selfs bring them in…some last and some do not…I have aways cherished the people who have enter and exited my life, because we gave each other something that was needed at that time. Never regret the things you do, because you do them out of caring and love, and mostly don’t forget you have friends/family who care for you. Reach out bring someone else in, they could only be better for knowing you.
Your sister,
Boanne
July 8th, 2007 at 1:24 AM
sounds like your friend meant a lot to you. sorry to hear how sad you are! i know the feeling. ive had too many friendship start out great but end because of silly nonsense, mostly mine.
July 11th, 2007 at 2:10 AM
I am rather in the same situation as you right now. I’ve pretty much lost the friendship of both my Tribemates, who were like family to me. Feeling a lot of guilt and grief. I know it will pass eventually, but it’s still hard. Hang in there.
July 20th, 2007 at 12:05 PM
I’m sorry to hear about your friendship. Things like that are always difficult. I feel like I am becoming detached from a friend of mine as well… But hopefully it can be repaired one day…