Magickal Circle

Well it’s hard to believe that it is the start of another year.  They just keep flying by. I find this a bit disconcerting because it appears that time is speeding up which means I am getting older, but it would seem at a faster rate.  I don’t feel old at all and because of health concerns that have gotten under control (bipolar disorder) I feel as though my life has just begun. Fine thing when you realize you are middle aged. I’ve lost precious years because of this stupid illness. I tend to hang with younger people. I guess I am trying to capture my lost youth or something.

New Years is a time of resolutions. You sort of take stock and assess what changes you would like to make in your life. My main one, beside the unbiquitous lose weight, is to clean up my house and get some remodeling projects done. I am tired of living in whatI call a dump.   Just a lot of clutter with no room to store anything. No attic, no closets- so where do you put anything? You can only fit so much stuff in dressers and such. Plus we are one bathroom short and would love to have my bathroom upstairs again. It’s a long walk to the downstairs back end of the house in the middle of the night.

My other big thing this year is that I want to start a new web site all about bearded dragons. I want to have a store with it but have it be a source of information too where people can go and ask questions. People will also be able to post pics of their dragons too. I think it would be a lot of fun. This would be in addition to my existing store www.agelesstreasures.biz . That is going to have some changes as well- but that’s another story.

What is your new year’s resolution?  Do you too want to shed a few pounds?  I’d be curious to hear what the rest of you have planned for the new year.

Wow, I can’t believe that another year is almost over.  Yule is almost here but I sort of end up celebrating Christmas with my family. My parents have no idea that I am pagan now and it just sort of makes it easier to go with the flow. My siblings aren’t aware either except for my one sister and she doesn’t really understand either. So it is my husband and myself that will have to celebrate Yule.

I feel like I am a terrible Pagan. About as bad as I was a Christian.  I say that because I hardly ever went to church and if I did it was only on a major holiday. Being Pagan, I try to recognize the full moon by at least lighting a candle. But I never do ritual ’cause I guess I feel like I will do it wrong or something. I realize that the Goddess will understand and it is the thought that counts but I don’t want to be disrespectful either. But I do have to say that I think my life is so much better since I have allowed the goddess into my life.  So I say that it is a good thing and I find a certain amount of peace. I believe that my husband feels the same way.

But I guess that I feel so much of a hippocrit celebrating Christmas.  I can’t say to my family that I don’t celebrate Christmas anymore. They’d look at me like I have two heads.  The best thing I think is to just go with that flow. It’s a time of family and love, as I look at it and it shouldn’t matter what your beliefs are.  How have others dealt with this. I’d like to hear what you have experienced

Well, I had to do it. I couldn’t not have a dragon for “earth” so I got a new lizard. In thinking of a name, I though “what is a good name for earth”. I immediately thought “peat moss” so I said “that’s it”. Peatie!

I did a “what does your favorite color say about you?” My favorite color is purple and this is what it said:

What Your Favorite Color Purple Says About You:

Intuitive — Seeking — Creative Kind — Self-Sacrificing — Growth Oriented Strong — Very Wise — Rare

What Does Your Favorite Color Say About You?

I am very sad to report that I lost one of my dragons last Thursday.  It was Rocky, the one I refered to as earth. I found him dead in his cage in the morning. He was a beautiful dragon and I already miss him so much.  We had a brief candelight service for him graveside and said our goodbyes. It was very hard and now I fear that I might lose my other dragons as well.

My one girl, Spike, has a respiratory infection and she went to the vet today. She is constipated, dehydrated and has the respiratory infection. She is the one refered to as air.   I now have to give her antibiotics, soak her and give her saline injected under her skin. I hate giving my pets needles. Good thing I am a nurse by training as it makes it me more comfortable with the needles. She changed her normal behavior of hanging out in the hammock as if to say, Help me.

I have another dragon who has been sick off and on and is sick again.  Off to the vet again.

Update: Since I started writing this post last week (and never finished it) things are indeed looking up.  Spike seems to have turned the corner and is improving. I got quite excited today when she pooped. The vet had said she was constipated and dehydrated. But since she was exhibiting signs of respiratory problems, she is treating her with antibiotics. One more week to go with that.

The other dragon, Casanova is on antibiotics for 4 weeks. And we are talking having to inject them with the stuff. Good thing I am trained as a nurse. But he seems to be doing well now so I am encouraged.

So this ends on a positive note! Still miss Rocky bunches. I  got another dragon (more on this later) but he can never be replaced.  Wonder what or who he will come back as?  

We are fast approaching Samhaim. One of my favorite holidays. I love getting dressed up. I plan to go to work in costume again this year. I went last year as the queen. I make my own costumes and had a crown and everything. It was cool but I was the only one who dressed up. This year I plan to go as a belly dancer which works out as halloween is on a Wednesday, the same day as belly dancing class. The instructor is having Goddess night, which almost makes me question what her beliefs are. I think she might be Pagan but not necessarily Wiccan. We can wear costume, makeup, bindi’s ( that’s the thing on your forehead between your eyes.) basically anything different than the usual. It out to be fun. Then she is going to have a Halloween ball the Saturday the 3rd. There will be a band and dancing and the teacher is going to perform. I have never seen her do a performance but she moves so well when she demonstrates in class. I think it will be alot of fun.

Does anyone else have plans that day? I’d be interested to hear about it.

I am happy to say that my husband and I purchased a HDTV. It has a wonderful picture and now I don’t want to go to work but just want to sit and watch TV. I’ve not been that much of a TV watcher but now I feel compelled to watch. We had to buy a new TV stand too and it turned out to be glossy black just like the TV. It looks like it was made for that TV. Very Cool.

My concern is that my husband tends to monopolize the TV. We just got it yesterday but he got me a bit PO’d ’cause he sort of took over the TV first thing. I never get a say in what we watch. He started with that crap right away and I’m not putting up with it this time. I get real tired of putting on something on want to watch, he walks into the room, grabs the remote and changes it to what he wants to watch. Makes me feel pretty bad, sort of like I don’t count. I get tired of watching motor head stuff on Saturdays. About the only thing I get to watch are cartoons on Saturday morning and that’s usually before he gets up.

We sort of had a fight about it last night. I got pissed after he took over and said to him, I hope you enjoy your gift and went upstairs. A big reason we were able to buy the TV was the raise I got, so I sort of felt that the TV was kind of mine. I should at least get a say about programming. He did agree later that he was monopolizing it and handed me the remote and did not complain about my program choice. It made me feel a bit better but I also felt very bitchy about it. I just kind of got bitchy at everyone when I got home from work and he was not sharing. I just need to get a grip sometimes. Somethings are not worth getting mad over but this was something that had been going on for a while and I guess I had enough, especially with a TV that I wanted so bad. I love electronic gadgets and wanted the TV for a while. I shouldn’t get so upset over material things but I felt the whole thing was more a question of respect and sharing, not the TV itself. I felt, and still do feel that he could at least ask me if the program he choses is ok with me. He even tends to but the remote away from where I can reach it, rather than putting where we can both reach it. How rude is that? I guess that’s part of the reason I didn’t watch too much TV but found other things to do.

I hate fighting too. We don’t do it often and I guess I am the one the picks the fight. My husband is a nice guy and all but he is sort of single minded. He can’t do two things ar once so I can never talk to him while he’s watching TV because it takes his full attention. So I get so I feel ignored. After a while it really makes me feel like he doesn’t care what I have to say and he is not very interested in me. When I already have issues about self esteem, that doesn’t help any. My doctor says it’s because it’s the way his mind works, that it is not personal. Well that’s fine but when he doesn’t seem to make the effort, then I really question his feelings towards me. But I do know her does love me. Makes me feel a bit schizo because I feel torn both ways and don’t know what to think. I’ve always been a big believer in actions speak louder than words and when he acts that way it really hurts. I guess I need to learn to not be so sensitive. But that’s part of the reason I am on medication, because I am that way. It sucks.

Anyway, I think I have ranted long enough. Have a great day.

Sunday is Mabon or Fall Equinox. You think I might be prepared- for a change. Of course not. But alas- it is not too late. I already have the ritual from Beltane that I wrote but we never used. Most of it was pretty generic except for the Beltane part, of course. I’ve never been a big one for doing ritual but feel that I want to, need to. It’s not that I feel bad or anything but that I want to be more in touch with the goddess. I don’t know but it is hard to explain. So it’s something to work on tomorrow. I plan to be recording old vinyl records to CD. It will be a time consuming process but I will finally get to listen to some of the old collection. While they play I can work on some of this stuff. A win win in my book. Have a great holiday.

Well, I guess you could say life is good. I am working my new job which I like very much plus got a substantial raise. Thar’s a win win in my book. Plus I am told I am doing well at my new position. Lot’s of work to do. Everything has to be reviewed that I do as it goes to the FDA so I get stuff back and feel like it’s been graded. It’s kind of funny. But I am learning and I am doing much better- I can see my progress. The days go faster too but I am tired at the end of the day. I sort of put my all into my job, sort of the way I am. Don’t feel much like doing anything when I get home during the week. But then there is belly dancing once a week which is lots of fun. Even though I am a plus sized person, I still have fun with it.

So things get left to the weekend and there are so many things to do. I like to make jewelry and I want to make a new sweater coat with a sun on the back and moon and stars on the front. SO I have yet to design but have a real clear image in my head about what I want. THEN, there is finishing the harem pant I started and draft and make the matching top. I might wear it for a halloween costume though. Need to get a coin scarf that matches. Never have time to quilt anymore either. Most of my spare time I spend on my store doing stuff. I spent last weekend updating inventory. If you want to see the store, its is www.agelesstreasures.biz. New age stuff, fairies, celtic jewelry. I like it but it doesn’t make any money. But it is fun and it’s mine.

I’ve been trying to read this book on learning to read the aura. There are exercised in the book to do to learn to feel the energy people give off. That’s as far as I’ve gottn so far. Something else to do. I have so many interests but so little time. So I am going to go for now. I’ll try to be better about posting. I’ve been a bad girl!

Have a good one

Goddess Bless

My husband and I were talking the other night about religion. We both agreed that we feel better about life and ourselves since we’ve been Pagan. I’m not Christianity bashing or anything. I know I never felt comfortable with it somehow and I did try. I was in the church choir so I was in church all the time. I tried to take confirmation classes too but that was I guess the point where I decided it was not for me. I went to some bible studies with a friend later and that just served to reinforce my feelings.

I think religion should help make you feel better about life, not worse. Make you feel like you’re not really alone. You find peace with your beliefs. I feel like I have come home since I’ve let the Goddess into my life. That’s a real good place to be in my book.

Full moon in 3 days and I need to take the opportunity to thank the goddess. Even if I just light a candle and stare at the beauty of the moon and thank her.