Magickal Circle

I feel like I am in mourning. The loss of a friend. They didn’t die or anything but they are no longer, so it seems, considering me as a friend. I am not perfect or anything but I feel that I ruined everything and so I consider it my fault. I don’t do well with screwing things up. I am a sensitive person and take everything to heart.  So I am very sad.

I don’t understand the lack of forgiveness or is it a question of no consideration for anyone else’s feelings. I try to think of other peoples feeling but I am not perfect. I have said the wrong thing too many times I suppose. So again, brought on by my own stupidity. As usual I am my own worst enemy.

So I guess I have to be grateful for the time I had as this person’s friend. And I enjoyed it a lot. New thoughts and ideas and a different way of looking at things.  Moral support too. Lots of that.  and now it’s gone. 

So I say a prayer for my friend- that their life will be good and they will be happy. That’s all I ever wanted was for them to be happy.  But now I’m sad and I don’t know how they feel because they won’t say. And they have a reason but to me it doesn’t relate. They don’t want to spend so much time on the computer. This translated to didn’t want to chat anymore in reality- at least my reality anyway.  Doesn’t make much sense. Why can’t people say what they mean. I would rather the truth, even if not pleasant rather than some BS excuse that in essence is more insulting because it shows lack of respect.  Hmm, maybe they felt I didn’t deserve that much consideration. I guess that’s another point to ponder. But when a person says they value the friendship and then seem to toss it away and it’s gone, I question how valuble was it to them? I am so confused.

So I mourn the loss. Some days I cry, some are just sad. Sometimes I am angry. All that grief stuff.  I guess it will get easier with time……so I hope.

If none of this makes any sense, then I apologize. I just had to vent.