Magickal Circle

Howdy all. The warm weather is finally here. Although I don’t like it hot, I do like a refreshing margarita. I’d love to take a trip to somewhere and have someone waite on me and serve me drinks. Nothing else to do but breathe. Ah, that would be nice.

Full moon tonight, plan to go outside and at least acknowledge the goddess, light a candle and such. Seems just like the proper thing to do.

Sorry I haven’t been posting much- been keeping busy with other things like cleaning and changing seasonal clothing around. Good to get these things done but so many other things get left undone. All in good time my little pretty, all in good time.  So I won’t beat myself up over it.  So there.

Have a good week all and I will work on posting some more. So many things though….

Well I guess the medicine must be working as I do find myself feeling better.Things are not looking quite so gloomy. I appreciate the positive comments and concern.I have been down this road before and things do eventually get better, especially if you do take your medicine. But that was just it. I had been taking it and I just bottomed out. Go figure.

So the Miracle of modern Psychiatry. Personally I think Tom Cruise is a jerk. He really knows nothing on the subject yet presents himself like he’s an expert. What a a-hole.

I’ve been trying to find a new job. A recruiter called me about a position and wanted professional references. That would be great except none of my former managers are permitted to give references according to their company policy. So what are you supposed to do? He could not submit me for a position without the references. How are you supposed to get them?
I’m still trying to recover from losing both positions I interviewed for a few weeks back. It is probably for the best as they were short term but what a blow to your ego.

You know the thing I don’t like about the higher dose of meds is that you feel a bit detached and numb. At least I do. But much more in control. I prefer the “in control”, at least for now. A bit like I’m in slow motion too. Very odd. But I do feel better and not so depressed and much better able to deal with things.

I have been looking more into Tarot- bought a few more books. Haven’t been able to settle down to get any studying done but I am very drawn to these cards. I’ve decided to start collecting decks.There are some nice fairy decks out there and I like fairies. I guess if it has cool art work, I am interested. But drawn to the fey as well am I.

Well, It’s time to get ready for work. Should be busy today. I’d rather have that then being slow with nothing to do. I hate that.

I wish I knew the answer to this question. I can’t seem to shake the depression I am in. The doctor increased my meds and I don’t feel very motivated. But it hasn’t been very long, I suppose. But it seems like an eternity when you’re depressed. I woke up today a physically felt like crap so I stayed home. I had to keep lying down I felt so dizzy. I don’t want to focus on these things either. But it is difficult when you’re preoccupied.

So why are you depressed? This is the question everyone always asks. I find the question always maddening. Why does there have to be a reason. I just am, okay? It might have something to do with hating my job, not having things be the best at home and just feeling unsatisfied with my life at this point in time. So do something about it you say? Well I am trying to find a different job- both recent interviews I had turned out to be fruitless- but probably for the best. Home life- well- I’m just not going there. Besides, the happiness thing is supposed to come from within anyway. I guess I’m just not that happy these days, bottom line.

What would make me happy? hmmm. Good question and there is the point to ponder I suppose. I need to feel good about me again and right know that’s a bit elusive. I guess I have to ask the Goddess for her help and maybe she can help me to help myself. Keep the faith and believe things will get better. yea, that’s the ticket. Goddess bless. Sorry for the depressing post but venting helps me………

I sort of elected myself to write ritual for my group of friends for Beltane, which we will celebrate tonight. I find it confusing how some texts say it is April 30 and some May 1st. I figured it was a good exercise which it did turn out to be as I came up with a generic ritual and you just plug in the one working section for whatever holiday or spell work you wish to do. I learned a lot doing it.

As part of this I read about the Five Dragons of Fire, Air, Earth, Water and Spirit. I found this amusing because I myself own five bearded dragon lizards. Not four, not six, but exactly five. It just seems sort of strange that I have this amount and strangely enough, some of their personalities match. At least I think so.

My one lizard, Spike, she lives in her hammock (suspended in air) and so I feel she represents air. She also tends to fly off of her hammock with incentive of a worm.

Rudy represents fire for no other reason than he is red in color

Rocky represents earth. He is the color of a white rock and black rock and he is calm and grounded. Plus I named him Rocky

Casanova represents water. He loves to soak in the water. He was my first living dragon and went through a long illness. He is doing great and has a new lease on life.

Finally there is Spirit and that means Rosie. She has lots of spirit too. She is my spunkiest dragon hands down and quite a character.

I have to learn a bit more about this but I also think that these lizards are my animal totem. I’m crazy about them and the first one I ever saw I fell in love with. They each have their own house and there is a four story high rise plus Rudy has a tall tank where he can climb.

Anyway, I though I’d share my story about my dragons as I though it was kind of neat. Have a great Beltane.